An Early Goodbye

Vixen and I had a second session with Pet Psychic Laura Stinchfield yesterday, and once again, it was sweet and sad. Laura was amazed that my girl is 22 years old, and I told her she'll be 23 if she makes it 'til March! This session gave me new insights into how Vixen perceives the world, as well as feedback on how the things I've done in response to the last consultation have helped her.

Laura first asked her about those, with no input from me; I wanted to see what Vixen talked about as being important to her. Laura typed for quite some time before sharing the following:

I have had some massages down on my body and they have helped me a lot. They help me move more freely. My shoulders used to hurt a lot and my neck and now I have much more motion in my shoulders. Sometimes I have a gum soothing process. It’s like a rubbing of my gums makes me feel good.

I told Laura that she'd been going to the chiropractor with me, and seemed to like him. Apparently, as he checks the alignment of her spine, she feels like he's massaging her and likes it. It was good to know that the sessions had helped her, something I'd suspected from the way she's been sitting more erect and walking better, and how her back legs don't get that tremor they'd had for a while. The gum-rubbing thing was new; it sounded like what she does when I pet her sometimes, when she rubs her jaw on my hand. Laura continued with Vixen's feedback:

Sometimes I feel windy in my body and I wonder if I am going to die and then it goes away and I feel ok again. It’s like a cold wind goes through me and I feel really fragile and empty inside. And then I start to get better and I feel more myself.

This was a bit sad to hear, but echoed what she'd said in our first session about feeling close to death sometimes. Laura said the feeling she got when Vixen communicated this to her was like a draft feels when you're sick. And Vixen had more to tell her, too:

I also think there is something mom puts in my food. Little drops that makes my mind healthier. It keeps my mind sharp because sometimes I lose myself. Yes, I walk to one side of the house and then I forget time. I don't know how long I have been there or what I am doing there and then I feel dizzy and have to lie down and then sometimes I forget how long I have been there. Have I been lying in strange places?

Laura asked me about this, and I told her that I'd been giving her a supplement in her water, and it is little drops. It's good to know that she feels like that's helping, too. And as for lying in strange places, she's been spending most of her time on the warmer I set up for her, as the weather's been fairly cold this winter, for here.

That was all Vixen told her initially, so I asked next what Vixen remembered about her life before she came to live with me. I'd taken her in when I lived in an apartment complex, way back in 1989, and had been seeing her around for several months before it seemed that she decided to come and live with me. She appeared to be a feral cat. Here was what she told Laura that she remembered from those days:

Yes, I remember seeing mom also and she would talk to me. I remember being really healthy and running around with my litter mates. I had other friends there. I saw one get hit by a car. I remember wishing I had a real home. I had a deck with food and water and a man that would feed me but no one that really loved me. When mom took me I felt really lucky and it came at a good time because one of my friends had died. I was really lonely and mom came to me.

She'd never appeared to be hanging around with any other cats when I saw her, but I did see her tagging along behind one of the maintenance men one day, batting at one of the tools dangling from his toolbelt. He must have been the one who was leaving food out for her. I'd always worried that someone had been taking care of her and would worry that something bad had happened to her when we moved away together. She was always very playful in those days, lurking in the bushes and swiping a spotted paw out at you as you walked past. I also had Laura ask Vixen why she's afraid of strangers; every time she's aware of anyone other than me in the house, she hides in my closet. Here's what she said:

For a long time I didn't want anyone to take me away from mom but then I started to feel fragile and something inside of me would tell me only mom is safe. In my head I kind of know differently but my body was instinctively telling me to stay away. I feel like I have my mom and I don't really need anyone else.

I told Laura how after my mother had died 18 months ago, there had been 10 straight days of house guests, and Vixen had ended up in the hospital with a kidney infection because she'd been too afraid to come out of hiding long enough to use the litter box when she needed to. So Laura asked her what she remembered about that time:

Well it was a really hard time and most people who came over were upset and worried about coming. I could feel them like a strong thick wind coming. Different than the chiropractor who comes like a warm wind or mom has a friend that comes over sometimes who is like a warm wind. She is a nice woman.

The friend she's referring to is probably my friend Lori, who comes over to feed Vixen when I go out of town. Laura thought it was interesting how she equated the feel of people with different types of wind. That sounded to me like she's sensing their spirits.

Another change I'd made after hearing how badly Vixen's neck hurt in our first consultation was to raise her dishes up off the floor by setting them atop some short drinking glasses. It was odd that she hadn't mentioned that before, so I had Laura ask her if that had helped her:

Yes it helps me a lot- raise water. In between my shoulder blades are less painful. You know that hot pad for me can we wash the cover many times? I think I smell sometimes and I like a fresh one.

I hadn't told Laura about the warmer I'd set up for Vixen, by putting a folded electric throw I'd bought for my mother inside a pillowcase. And I'd just been noticing the other day that the pillowcase was getting a little hairy and needed a wash! I changed it that very evening, and she happily went right back to it, curled up and went to sleep.

The next part was something Vixen just volunteered on her own, and it made me a little sad:

Mom would you be upset if I died in my sleep? Would be sad that I didn't say goodbye. Because I don't know when I will go. Sometimes I think I am already there, then I wake up. Will you be ok?

Laura said she was asking if I would mind if she died without saying goodbye. Odd that she would mention this; after having two cats die from miserable illnesses and suffering a lot toward the end, I'd hoped for Vixen's sake that when it's her time, she can go peacefully and happily in her sleep, without having to endure a similar fate. Although I'm not eager for her to go, I would hate to have to look into her very cognizant eyes knowing that she was dying. Laura stressed that Vixen wasn't saying she felt like she was going to die any time soon, just that she didn't know when she would go and worried whether I would be okay. And she had more to say about that:

Can I tell you goodbye now and that I love you so much. I am so grateful for all that you have done for me. I feel really special being your cat. Mom, I think you should buy yourself a nice bracelet with a locket and put me in it.

Laura asked me if I had a piece of jewelry like that, and I told her no; she wondered why Vixen had suggested a bracelet instead of a necklace, and here's what Vixen told her:

I like it on her hand.

I told Laura that I’d had Vixen’s portrait painted a while back (that's the photo at the top of this post), but that it hadn’t been framed yet. She asked if I’d showed it to Vixen, and I told her that I thought I had when it first arrived, but that she doesn’t really see very well any more and I don’t know if she could see it. Laura said that she would be able to see it in my mind, though, so she asked Vixen about the portrait:

I think he was generous with my weight. Did he capture my spirit? I wondered why she needed that if I am still here but then I started to understand people. I love the idea of having pictures of me so mom won’t be lonely. When I die will she be able to sense me when I come to visit? Because I have a feeling I will lie with her a lot even when I am in spirit.

How funny; I guess humans aren’t the only ones who think we look fat in pictures! The portrait was painted from a photo taken of her sitting on the back of my sofa when she was about 2-3 years old. That was one I'd selected because it showed off her markings very nicely. But she was a bit heftier then than she is now, so maybe that was what it was, I thought...but upon looking at the painting again, I realized what Vixen meant; she does look a little fat in it!

Time was getting short, so the last thing I asked Laura to ask Vixen was whether the spirits of my other two cats who had died ever came around; she'd mentioned last time sitting with my mother's spirit, but nothing about them. Here's what she told Laura:

Yes, they come but they won’t come when I am there in spirit because I don't want to share the same spirit space. We will take turns. One comes more often then the others the Big gray cat.

The big gray cat would be Frankie, and it's no surprise that he's here a lot; he felt very protective of me and my mother, and of this house. Even in his last hours here, he was sitting guard in the front flower box. And Vixen's attitude about sharing space with them was right on target with how she's always felt about other cats, so I had to laugh at that! Laura said she explained to Vixen that it may take some time for me to sense her spirit when she would come to me after she dies.

It was only upon reading Laura's written feedback that I realized Vixen had said the gray cat comes more often than the "others", plural...who besides my one other cat who'd died before Frankie was she referring to? My mother? Perhaps Leapy, the yellow tabby who'd lived next door when I was growing up? Or maybe even Gretchen, our last dachshund, who lived and died by our back door and was so attached to my mother? Certainly something to ponder.

What a wonderful gift it must be to understand what animals are trying to say to us! It's always been a particularly interesting challenge for me to try and communicate with them, and I do always speak to feral cats when I encounter them. They seem to be fascinated by this, although still leery of me as a stranger. Laura must certainly lead an interesting life!

Wisdom From My Cat

In the previous post, I talked about the consultation Vixen and I had with Laura Stinchfield, Pet Psychic. At about 20 minutes into the 30-minute session, we'd covered the three areas I'd mainly wanted to address during the call, and I'd gotten some valuable information about the state of Vixen's health and where she is having pain. Since we still had a few minutes left, Laura asked if there was anything else I wanted to know.

I told her that my mother had passed away last year, and shortly afterward Vixen had walked over to my mother's chair and sniffed it, like she missed her. I wondered if she still remembered my mother, if she missed her, if she was aware of what had happened to her, and if she ever sensed her spirit around. Animals are supposed to be sensitive to spiritual presences, so I was curious. What Vixen said absolutely shocked me:
"my grandma comes here one night a week. she comes here on the night that mom sometimes goes out and she stays here with me and she tells me that when i go to heaven i can live with her until i am ready to go be on my own. She says that she has a comfy lap still and she says that she is someone that is helping cats that miss their people on earth."
Laura asked if there was a night each week that I regularly went out with friends for dinner or something, and I said no, but I do to go choir rehearsal on the same night each week! How interesting that my mother would come and sit with the cat while I'm gone. The comment about her lap was curious, as my mother had never particularly liked holding any pets in her lap. What my mother was telling her made me wonder if Vixen was getting closer to the end of her life than I liked to think, and the next part made me wonder even more about that.

"grandma is saying that to me because I am going to be very sad to not live with my mom. my mom talks to me everyday and tells me many things about the world. She is my connection to life and i fear that if I die that I will be lonely for her and I will not know how to learn with out her. mom has taught me everything."
Cue the tears! I knew that Vixen liked to be near me, especially in her later years, but didn't have any idea that she felt that way about me. She was a very smart feral kitty when she decided to come and live with me at about a year old. I do talk to her a lot, but since she can't hear any more, I figured that was more for me than for her! But apparently the messages still get through.

The next part was also unsolicited, and made my eyes leak even more:
"can you tell my mom that i know that sometimes she gets worried and I think that worry is not good for her stomach. tell her that worry is not good for her stomach and worry should be drank away with lots of water and good thoughts. We should spend a little time each day thinking good thoughts together." That made both Laura and me smile, and we wondered what Vixen thought of as "good thoughts". So Laura asked her, and before relaying her response commented that, "She's very wise." Here's what she said:
"I think a good thought is planting something and believing it will grow and i believe a good thought is thinking that you will always be comfortable and cozy and you will have good food to eat and music in your mind even though you can not hear. I believe good thoughts is believing you are rich even though some may look at your life and think your not."
Wow! Laura asked if my mother or I had listened to a lot of music around her, and I told her that not only did I listen to a lot of music, but that Vixen had loved listening to music when she was younger; she'd position herself in my living room at the "sweet spot" and cock one ear toward each of the stereo speakers. Laura thought it was interesting that she would still remember the music from then and be able to enjoy it in her mind. There's usually a song going through my mind, so if cats really communicate telepathically, perhaps she's picking up on some of those, as well. Yeah, I was pretty emotional over this!

We were almost out of time, so I got in a quick final question about when I will sometimes pick Vixen up and set her beside me on the sofa, but she'll sit very near the edge, where I'm worried that she'll fall. She doesn't stay for long, and usually jumps back down at the first opportunity. I wondered if perhaps she would get a little vertigo up off the floor. Here's what she said:
"Yes, my neck hurts a lot. You right about me getting dizzy and i dont like being confused up high. I have a lot of moments of confusion. If i was an old lady my mom would have to pick me up at the supermarket."
My girl made a little joke! We both wondered where she would have gotten that image of a confused older person being picked up at the supermarket; perhaps it was another conversation she'd had with my mother, something that had happened to my mom that she'd never told me about. Fascinating!

The repeated mention of Vixen's neck hurting made Laura think that a chiropractor may help her; I told her I'd already mentioned her symptoms to my own chiropractor and would ask him about adjusting her. He's adjusted animals before, so may be open to the idea. She also needs to have some blood work run at her own vet, to see what's causing her lack of energy and determine what type of supplements may help her. Native Remedies makes something for just about every ailment, so I'll be trying out some of those items that I carry on OldMaidCatLady.com; perfect way to write reviews on them!

Who knows if our pets really do try to communicate with us telepathically? It certainly seems like they are sometimes. If you're also wondering about that, there's a link to The Pet Psychic from OldMaidCatLady.com's links page. I'd highly recommend Laura; she definitely knows animals very well and has given me some valuable information on how to make Vixen's remaining time with me as long and comfortable as it can be.

Do Your Cats Talk to You?

My little cat is about 22 1/2 years old now, a sort of "super-senior", since they say cats become "seniors" by about age 8. She doesn't hear well, yowls a lot, sometimes gets a tremor in her back leg, seems to move more gingerly, and several other things that let me know she's feeling her age. We have a pretty close bond, but if she's hurting somewhere she can't tell me that (although it certainly seems like she's trying, sometimes).

So when Facebook told me one of my friends had "liked" a page called "The Pet Psychic", I was curious. I'd watched professed pet psychic Sonia Fitzpatrick's show on Animal Planet, and was convinced that she could actually "hear" what animals were trying to say to her. And while I think the term "psychic" is a misnomer that can get these gifted people lumped into a group with charlatans, soothsayers, or just plain kooks, I thought it worth further investigation.

So I visited the pet psychic's actual web page and found lots of wonderful testimonials from people whose animals she'd helped, along with photos of their smiling faces. She offers both live and phone sessions, so she can work with animals located anywhere, and even those who have passed away. I thought perhaps she could tell me what I could do to make Vixen's super-senior life more comfortable for the time we have left together, and also wondered if she may have any hidden health issues. So, yes, this crazy old maid cat lady scheduled a session. I filled out the information form, uploaded a photo of Vixen, made my payment, and scheduled my half-hour consultation.

The Pet Psychic is a California woman named Laura Stinchfield, and she called right on the dot at the appointed time. She was quite vivacious and struck me as a genuinely happy person. I gave her some preliminary information about Vixen, pretty much what I said above, and told her I was just curious as to what's going on in her little head. Laura said that she'd get images in her mind when the animals are talking to her, and sometimes if they're having pain, she'll feel it in that portion of her body. Sonia Fitzpatrick had reported something similar about the messages she receives from animals.

Vixen had just been asking for food before the call, but I'd delayed feeding her before checking with Laura on where Vixen needed to be during the session. Laura told me that she could eat and talk to her at the same time, so I went ahead and gave her some canned food. She was happily smacking away as the consultation began.

I first wondered if Vixen was experiencing pain anywhere. Laura told me she'd get silent for a minute while she asked Vixen and waited for her response, and said I may hear her typing. After that, she'd read to me the response she'd "received" from Vixen. At the end of the call, she'd forward her notes to me via e-mail. The very first bit was an alert to a new issue about which I'd had no idea. Here's what Vixen told her:
"sometimes i feel like my heart beats really fast and if i was younger i would be playing. i like the idea of playing but my knees sometimes bother me."
Whoa! She has a cardiac problem? That was something I didn't have any idea about, but certainly something to ask her vet to investigate. I'd noticed her limping sometimes & thought it may be her claws getting too long, but also didn't know it was in the knees.

Next, I wanted to know about the head shaking she'll do sometimes, almost like something's tickling her ears, or perhaps it could be something with her hearing that's bothering her. After a little silence and the clicking of her keyboard, here's what Laura got:
"i tilt my head cause it hurts. yeah my head and neck actually hurts and mom is right i dont hear at all. i hear like a beeping noise sometimes (alarm, microwave...) and sometimes i get very thirsty. I am hungry because my body needs it to stay alive otherwise i would feel tired all the time. i need the food to feel energy. My smell has been gone for a while."
So, cats can get tinnitis, too! Who knew? Laura said that sometimes older cats can have problems like hyperthyroidism or diabetes that will cause their blood sugar to fluctuate, and they can eat all the time without gaining weight if their thyroid gland isn't functioning properly. Something else for the vet to investigate. Not having any smell was another surprise; how sad, that she can't even enjoy her food for lack of smell! Maybe that's another reason she's always asking for more and eating four or five helpings of breakfast.

The next part, Vixen volunteered without being asked:
"Can you tell my mom sometimes i want her to pet me softly but not pick me up using my stomach. i dont like that feeling. I am also very sensitive to temperatures so I dont like it when her hands are cold. I like light areas but I dont like light areas for my eyes. its hard. my eyes hurt in the light but my body feels warm."
This puzzled me, because I don't ever pick her up by her stomach, but underneath her arms. She's never particularly liked being picked up or held (or even petted, for that matter!). But perhaps it was an alert that her stomach is bothering her; she has had quite a bit of diarrhea that even a probiotic supplement didn't help. Laura suggested that perhaps she could benefit from a heating pad or bed warmer, which I can certainly get for her. I'd known that her eyes were cloudy and wondered how much she could see, but knowing that the light hurts them was certainly another revelation. She used to love to bask in the sun; how sad that she can't enjoy that simple pleasure any more.

Next, we addressed the yelling. Vixen will sit in the dining room and yowl, something I'd recently read was a sign of kitty dementia. She'll do it even after I've just fed her, sometimes if she wants more food, and sometimes when there's still food in her dish. Here's what she had to say about that:
"i yowl for food cause i like it fresh and when mom mixes it up it makes it smell more. i like to be able to smell somethings. I get confused sometimes. I dont like confusing. sometimes in my box i get confused. i dont like paper in my box. i like soft litter that feels light when it moves. some litter feels dusty i dont like dusty."
Her pattern of having one subject lead to another was certainly interesting. Vixen does miss her litter box quite often, something I've previously talked about in this blog. I've resigned myself to having the floor replaced after she's gone, but I just figured she'd lost a sense of how big her body is, not that she was experiencing confusion while she's in there.

Laura told me she could feel the confusion in Vixen's mind; she'd be getting something from her, and then feel her thoughts sort of wander off. I asked her for clarification on Vixen's comments about the litter; I've been using three different kinds in her box, and wondered which she preferred. One is the Tidy Cats litter I've used with her for years, but she only rarely uses that box. The other box now has a mixture of the Dr. Elsey's Precious Cat Senior, which she seemed to prefer to the other, and some Purr & Simple mixed in with it. Since I've mixed the two when I ran out of the other, she doesn't seem to like that box, either...more reason to have the floor replaced one day. Here was what she told Laura:
"No i like the one that is like sand. Its really soft. that one is not soft."
Based on her having used the box with the Precious Cat Senior in it before I'd mixed the two, I think she meant that it's no longer soft with the other kind mixed in; Purr & Simple is large, brown pieces that look almost like rabbit pellets. I made a note to order more of the one she liked.

This post is getting rather long, so I'll save the rest of the consultation for the next one. There's lots more that had me in tears before the call was finished! Stay tuned.